I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: “You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love.”
This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to possess it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.
This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love; they try to POSSESS it, they DEMAND, they EXPECT… and just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will RETRIEVE from you.
For love is meant to be FREE, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.
# GIVE and don’t expect.
# ADVISE but don’t order.
# ASK but never demand.
It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring.
Passing thought…
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away.
Whoever on earth can play this for me, i will f**kingly marry you. Weh? Exaggerated naman. Joke lang un noh. Wala lang. I was just amazed with Jam`s Version of Bella`s Lullaby which was originally played by Edward Cullen in the film, Twilight. Thumbs up, Pare. Galing! Haha. :DD
How I wish ganyan ako kagaling magplay ng Piano. I am also interested to play guitar. Kaso I can`t find any time naman para pag aralan eh. So next time na lang. ;))
Since I mentioned Twilight a while ago, I want to share how obsessed I am with this Converse Shoes.
I`m planning to buy a new pair of shoes as a gift for myself (my birthday is getting nearer na) pero wala akong money. Duh. Magpapabili na lang ako sa Papa ko. However, I really doubt if this is available in any store. I think, this is only for Online Buying. Ewan ko lang but I don`t wanna buy it online. Hanggang tingin na lang ako dito. Hmm besides, I didn`t like the color. Black, okay lang. Pero Red, naku! One of the colors I really hate is Red, honestly. Pero if you want to buy this for me, that would be great! Haha. Joke lang. :))
Okay. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18.. OMG! Just 18 more days to go and then summer is over and then school is back. I`m not looking forward to it. Definitely not. Though, the day before our class will start is my birthday. Who on earth ever wanted to go older? Crap! But it feels good having my age being supplement by “sweet”. Get it? Yeah! Few more days to go, sweet 16 na `ko. The question now is how would I celebrate it? Do I even have to celebrate it at all? Because I just realized, ang hirap mag birthday ng June especially before pasukan kasi nga daming gastos! Well, he said that he would treat me on my birthday, at least. Hoho. Sunday naman eh kaya if God permits, masaya `yun. But if it won`t happen, it`s the thought that counts anyway.
But hell, it`s freaking me out! Kinabukasan is June 8. I`m not yet ready but you know, it is inevitable. I still haven`t lost some weight and I feel like a big damn fluff ball. Dammit! Crazy things happened this summer. Boredom, it is all your fault. Huhu :’( My old clothes are tight and it`s depressing. My eating is getting much avoided but I just got no results at all. I`m planning to have some work-outs pretty regular, hoping that my body would soon start responding. Asa! (Anong connect?)
Whoa! New school means another adjustment. Good thing, I`ve got many friends and 2 cousins who will also study in SLU. I just hope we`ll help each other to adjust well. But it would be better if I could meet new friends who will also help me to cope up and fit in. College would be an immense thing or should I say, must be an immense thing for everybody. It`s not a “just-just” which certainly others might think of it. What`s even worse is that I`ve got a hectic schedule. And the worst? My granma`s house where I will stay is very far from my school. It just makes me cynical because I could now imagine myself waking up 4 in the morning during Monday, Wednesday & Friday, and I have to leave our house probably, 1 hour before 7:30 am. It`s very frustrating on my part because I`m a lomag, antukin, tulog-mantika or whatever you may call. That`s undeniable. I`m still just hoping that someday, I could please my Papa to allow me to stay in a boarding house or apartment of course, nearer in my school. (Hi Papa. You`re so handsome talaga! :)) Haha. Whatever!
No wander, freedom is so close now. It is touchable, tasteable. I wish I can make it without my parents` much guidance this time. House responsibilities. House errands. I need to clean my room, wash my own clothes, cook food, wash dishes, and budget my allowance. OhmiGod! I can`t imagine myself doing all of these things on my own. My goodness! Pero kaya lang. Ako pa.
Wth?? I`ve got a long blog today huh? But this is now my cue to stop my drama. Aha. Btw, good morning. :))
I don’t know what I want, so don`t ask me because I`m still trying to figure it out. I don`t know what`s down this road, I`m just walking trying to see through the rain coming down. Even though I`m not the only one who feels the way I do. I`m alone on my own, and that`s all I know. I`ll be strong; I`ll be wrong. Oh! But life goes on. I`m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world. I`ve got the radio on, my old blue jeans and I`m wearing my heart on my sleeve. I`m feeling lucky today, got the sunshine. Could you tell me what more do I need? And tomorrow`s just a mystery, Oh yeah! But that`s okay. I`m alone on my own, and I`m starting off. I`ll be strong; I`ll be wrong. Oh! But life goes on. I`m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world.
I do not want to assume anything because I do not want to be wrong
— not this time, not when it matters.
But here it is, the warmth on my face embracing the sweetness in the air,
evidence that this can be something SPECIAL && REAL && WONDERFUL.
&& so this time, because it matters, I might just be right.
Wait. *thinks* Hmm..
One simple question had just popped out my mind, Can you just imagine how hard && difficult it is to deal with those things?
Aww. Then I flinched. Err. Nakakatakot!
*******
I have a right to change my mind, don`t I?
I have a right to rearrange our dynamics
— to ask him to re-adjust his feelings for me,
to tuck them away in a safe spot
&& bring them out in an open again if and only if we finally figure things out.
Torn. Hella Lot.
How should I choose? On second thought, WHY should I choose? Do I even have to choose at all?
Finally, I set aside the question of What I Want to make way for What I Have to Do.
Because surely I am a Good Girl && that`s what good girls do, right?
Pag in love ang isang tao, hindi lang yung mismong love ang feeling na kailangang harapin and kailangang maramdaman. Meron pang mga kakabit na iba pa. And not only yung different feelings ang involve kundi pati yung mga moments na mahirap magdecide kung ano ba talaga ang gagawin mo to face those things. Anu-ano nga ba yung mga feelings na yun? Here are some of them.
1. Pagpaparamdam sa isang tao Here’s the most exciting part pag in love. Yung mga times na kailangan mong mag-flirt ng konti, pumorma, magpaka-ignorante sa mga assignments and kung ano pa mang pag-iinarte para lang mapansin ka ng taong kinakabog ng dibdib mo. Pero di rin ito yung pinakamadaling part kasi dito kailangan mong magtiis, or magpakababa ng standards para lang makuha ang atensyon niya. Lalong mahirap kung yung taong pinapakitaan mo ng ’signs’ ay isang napakalaking bato lang sa garden niyo. Magpaka-eppileptic ka man sa harap niya, aba! Parang wala talagang makita. Hirap talaga maging KSP paminsan-minsan. Pero di ba maganda rin namang magtiyaga to get something worthy in the end di ba?
2. Sabihing “BUSTED KA.” Mahal ka ni guy number 1, pero mahal mo si guy number 2. Paano mo sasabihing ayaw mo kay guy number 1? Ayaw mong saktan siya nang basta ganun nalang, at the same time, ayaw mong ma-misunderstand ni guy number 1 na pinaasa mo lang siya sa matinding WALA. Hirap man gawin, kailangang mamili ka sa mga kailangan mong gawin ng mabuti. Kasi malay ba natin kung si guy number 1 na gusto mong i-reject ay mas mahal ka pa pala kaysa kay guy number 2.
3. Pagbabalik ng EX mo Heto ka na at napakasaya sa piling ni Mr. Right. Isang araw, nabunggo mo ang isa sa mga dakila mong ex na pinagpalit ka lang sa isang nobody. Ngayon, pilit niyang ine-explain sa iyo kung gaano siya nagkamali sa kanyang nagawa and how he wanted you back in his life kahit pilit mong pinamumukha sa kanya na “I’m doing great without you!” Cheated you once, wanted to cheat you twice nga ba ang nasa isip mo? Or iniisip mong he deserves another chance? Love is sweeter the second time around sabi nga nila. Baka mauwi lang sa pamimili sa noon na gusto mong balikan at ngayon na ayaw mong saktan.
4. Pagsasabi ng “I Love You” sa isang taong di naman pala Nalagay ka na ba sa alanganin dahil nadulas ang dila mo sa ilang kataga na hindi naman dapat? Nasabi mo nalang na mahal mo ang taong yun dahil lang sa awa, dahil ayaw mong masaktan siya, or dahil love mo nga siya pero as a friend lang. Ang nakakakonsiyensiya pa dun ay pag dinamdam niyang maigi yung sinabi mo na parang buong buhay na niya ang hawak mo. Wala ka nang kawala. Para kang genie na na-trap sa isang magic bottle. No choice ka kundi ipagpatuloy ang naumpisahan at umaasang matututo ka ring mahalin siya. Unless, ganun ka katapang para aminin sa kanyang di mo sinasadyang mag-I Love You sa kanya.
5. Martyrdom Case #1 “Sinaktan niya ko! Binalewala niya ko! Ginawa niya akong tanga! Hmph! Bahala siya. Pero bakit ganito? Mahal ko pa rin siya.” Sabay lakad nang nakaluhod papuntang altar. Hindi kaya magtaka ang mga tao sa inaasal mo? Pinalaki ka ba talagang ganyan ng mga magulang mo? Pero sa totoo lang, dito na pumapasok yung sinasabi nilang PAGPAPAKA-MARTIR sa taong mahal mo. Matindi na talaga tama mo sa kanya dahil kahit anong gawin niyang way para saktan ka, andyan ka pa rin para sa kanya, at sa kanya lang - wala nang iba. Sa pagkakataong ito, di mo kailangang i-down pa lalo yung sarili mo (kundi talagang magtataka na ang mga tao sa ginagawa mo) dahil wala kang kasalanan. Yan talaga ang tunay mong nararamdaman.
6. Trapped in nowhere Kasama mo ang boyfriend mo sa jeep nang biglang sumakay ang former girlfriend niya sa tabi ng boyfriend mo. Nakakakulo ng dugo ‘no? Pero di mo naman pwedeng kaladkarin pababa ng sasakyan yung ex niya dahil never namang ikaw ang tumanggap ng kita ng driver sa jeep di ba? Isa pa, kung nagseselos ka, tandaan mong di lang ikaw ang ipit nung time na yun. Ang boyfriend mo, di rin alam ang ikikilos niya dahil nandyan kayong dalawa. Ang ex-girlfriend niya, na ilang na ilang na sa inyo sa mga oras na yun. Kung tutuusin, di mo na siya pwedeng pababain dahil sa nararamdaman ng gurl na yun, bababa nalang din siguro siya. Matatapos din ang moment na yan, don’t worry. Makakahinga rin kayong tatlo. Isa pa, past is past ika nga.
7. Bawal na dahil sa commitment Kung may sangkatutak na reasons para maging loyal ka sa taong mahal mo, may sangkatutak din namang tukso na lumalabas galing sa impyerno para magtaksil ka. Isa na dito yung pagdating ng ilang Significant Someone sa buhay mo habang nananahimik ka na. Mahirap umiwas sa taong innocent-looking pero deep inside, lumiliyab na yung feelings mo para sa kanya. Mahirap din namang diktahan nalang ng ganun yung tao kung ano ang gagawin. Once love strikes, wala ka nang magagawa. Lalo na pag too late na ang warning na dumadating.
8. Bawal na dahil sa kaibigan Kakasabi ko lang na hindi nga pwedeng diktahan ang puso dahil hindi natin kaya minsan di ba? Pero paano kung ang best friend mo, naunang mangumpisal sa’yo tungkol sa nararamdaman niya sa taong mahal mo rin? Ipit ka na naman sa isang sitwasyong hindi mo alam kung tatawagin mo pang best friend ang best friend mo. Tapos heto ka pa, deny-deny sa lovelife mo pag ikaw na ang tinanong kung sino ang tinitibok ng heart mo. Minsan pa, date sila nang kasama ka or kain sa labas habang nasa likod ka at pinapanood ang pagsusubuan nila. May mga times na ikaw pa ang takbuhan ni ‘best friend’ pag may problem sila ng mahal mo. Haay! Friendship could reach the stars, but how could friendship mend broken hearts? :’(
9. “Mahal ko na nga ba talaga siya?” Sobrang di makapaniwala o sobrang katangahan? Maraming cases kung saan ayaw mong aminin sa sarili mo na mahal mo na ang isang tao. Na parang imposible, pero heto ka at nangingiti mag-isa. Na parang hindi ka pa ready dahil ayaw mo pang masaktan ulit. Na parang close lang talaga kayo kaya mo siya love. Hindi mo sigurado pero bakit nasasanggi sa isip mo ang word na ‘Love’? Yung pagiging di mo sure minsan ang nakakapag-lead sa isang unwanted relationship. Na mas nagwo-work pa kung di kayo, or sometimes, sa phrase na “akala ko lang pala mahal kita.”
10. Martyrdom Case #2 Pagtatago ng feelings mo for the sake of that love na yan! Di mo pinapahalatang nasasaktan ka na or di mo pwedeng sabihing ganito ang nararamdaman mo. May mga pagkakataong pa, ikaw na nga ang argabyado at kawawa, ikaw pa ang mali at yung sinisisi dahil nagkaganyan kayo. Mali na kung mali, ang kailangan mo lang naman is yung sincerity and totoong pagmamahal niya. Kahit nga simpleng appreciation niya lang sa mga ginagawa mo para sa kanya, parang pinagkait pa sa’yo. Talaga nga naman!
Ilan lang ito sa mga pagkakataong mare-realize mo na hindi talaga madaling ma-in love. May mga pagkakataong iisipin mo ulit yung single life mo, and kung gaano ka kasaya pag ganoon.
Pero tatlong bagay lang na kailangang tandaan. Kung talagang mahal mo ang taong ito, may limitasyon kung hanggang saan, you can’t expect anything from the one you love, at handa kang harapin ang lahat - no matter what happens whether it hurts you or not. Ito lang ang mga tests para masabing true love nga talaga ang true love.
Grabe. It`s just like yesterday, I entered high school then now, I`m leaving high school na. It`s just like yesterday is my first day in USL. And I don`t know how to adjust with the new environment, new school, new teachers and new classmates. During my first year here, I am not happy, absolutely not. Everyday ba namang sirain ang araw mo eh, what`s more annoying than that? For how many times, sumagi sa isip ko na if nag stay ako sa SXMS, masaya sana. It would not be difficult for me to express the real me. It would not be harder for me to speakup, like that and etc. That`s why I didn`t expect na magiging masaya ako dito. But you know what? I was definitely wrong.There are lots of GOODexperiences that turn out to be memorable ones. I even cherish those BADtimes, I know that those are just challenges and are part of life.
I never thought that my Graduation is indeed fast approaching. I don’t have the exact words that can explain how I feel right now. I just feel afraid. You know, it`s hard to leave them (teachers, friends/classmates) ng ganun na lang. We will have our separate ways, and maybe we will not cross our path again. On the other hand, I just feel proud. After all the 4 years of hardships, I finally made it. I feel proud for the people who helped, supported and guided me to reach this goal. For this reason, I want to thank them all.
First, thanks to God for keeping me safe always and for the blessings He granted to me. Thanks to USL for the quality education, for building and preparing me in my future. Thanks to my mentors, for your efforts, for your patience, for the encouragement and for all the things that you have taught us.
Of course, thanks to my parents who are always there right beside me. Thank you for guiding me and supporting me always. Thanks for the love and care. Yung mga sakripisyo at efforts niyo in your work, I won`t forget all those things ma & pa. I am very gratefulto have you talaga.
Lastly, super thanks to my dear friends and classmates(I-Apitong, II-St.Peter, III-Honesty, IV-Luna). Thanks for all the memories. Through the years na magkakasama tayo, thanks so much sa lahat ng tawanan, iyakan, sa mga korning jokes, sa mga kalokohan and even sa mga away and tampuhan. Also, thanks to the people who are making me feel special in their own little ways. Thanks for sparing your time with me. Thanks for the attention, I always appreciate those things if alam niyo lang. =] Thanks for accepting who I am. You guys really played a big role in my life. You helped me to become a better person, who is me now. Kaya thank you so much talaga. I am very glad `coz I met you all. God bless us na lang in our next journey in life. hehe
I do really love you all! I will miss you all!
Happy Graduation to all Fourth Years Batch 2008-2009!
PS
Luna:: Guys, thanks for giving me the privilege to be called Grammar Expert, Literature Expert, Ms. Well-groomed and most especially, Ms. Luna `08-`09. Even though, you consider me as “sugapa” because of that. Okaii lang. Ahaha. Feel na feel ko eh, noh? Di ko inexpect eh. Well, I will treasure that, `di ko yun makakalimutan. Promise.
The name is Jean Claudine Epac. I have a lot of nicknames: Jean, Jean, Clau, Claudz or Claudine, either way, I respond to all. I am just an ordinary girl waking up every morning to face this flawed world. I am your usual teenager who dreams of unusual lover. I love to hang-out with my friends. I enjoy getaway vacations and I long for new adventures. I really hate when boredom strikes me. I live to love. I love to sing, to dance, to read and to write. I also love to eat and to sleep. I love to travel and to explore things out of that. I love pink as much as I love blue and white.On the other hand, I hate fighting and contradiction. I hate malevolence and violence. I hate people who treat me like a crap. I am definitely a good girl. I do live a disciplined life even though I grew up not being so dependent to my family. I may be “pasaway” sometimes, but I can still manage my priorities and limitations, as well. I take no unnecessary risks. I always make sure that every decision I make won’t put me to any danger. I always wanted to live my life to the fullest but I can’t. I am not expressive; I usually keep my emotions hidden. Though deep inside, I get mad easily, later some time, I’m already over it. I do cry often. I am vulnerable beyond belief. I can’t imagine how fragile I’ve become. Now, I always try to be strong in order to keep this life going. I am shy, a silent-type of person. Most of the times, my mind is in the air. I might not speakwhen spoken to. Other times, I talk only to my closest associates. I know my true friends are. I think I’m definitely not numb to identify them. I can comprehend even with that simple gaze. I am quite moody.I might be snobbish or “suplada” at first. Then, you’ll just find out that you misjudged me if and only if you got to know me well. It’s not hard to please me, anyway. I’m understanding and approachable. I am choosy. To tell you frankly, I am a perfectionist. I strive to be content. If I started to work on something, I will truly finish it. I don’t want to have regrets later. But hey! Nobody’s perfect, that’s why I learn from my ownmistakes and I learn from my ownexperiences.
